The Madonna-Whore Complex

The Madonna-Whore Complex is a concept that interests me greatly, so much so that I can probably talk about it for hours. And if you’ve never heard of it, you probably have either experienced it yourself or still know exactly what it is from what I’m about to describe. You’d be surprised how much of it lingers around pop culture and how much it’s ingrained in society. And it, unfortunately, all begins with the well-known psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud, a very controversial figure whose psychology findings have been quite the stir. He identified the “Madonna-Whore Complex” as the tendency for men, usually straight men, to view women as one of two things: madonnas (which comes from the religious, virginal figure) or whores.

The latter may be self-explanatory, although it basically translates, in this context, to a woman who can only be“good for” her sexuality. She’s sexually desirable and good at sex, but in men’s eyes, she can never raise a child with them, have a deep conversation with them, cook them dinner or clean the house, and she’s definitely not the girl you bring home to your parents or marry.

The Madonna on the other hand is perfect, good, and virtuous, everything that the patriarchy thinks a woman should be. She’s a good wife and mother who’s not very sexual because she’s too much of an angel to be seen in that way. Men think they’re wife material, especially if they are virgins beforehand or have very little sexual experience in general.

This is a continued trope for movies, shows, songs, etc. Ever hear of the “good girl” vs” bad girl?” When you think about it, it’s a watered-down madonna whore complex. Especially if there are talks of relationships and sex. The good girl would “never do such a thing” and the bad girl has “no shame.”

But even so, the good girl wants to be the bad girl sometimes, and vice versa, because they each have a missing piece of the puzzle. They want to be seen as nuanced people, both as a nurturing, good, serious person, and at the same time being able to enjoy sex and be sexually desired. Why can’t a good girl, or “madonna”, be seen as sexual too? Why can’t a bad girl, or a “whore” be treated with respect and intelligence? We can see how this is trope extremely unfair. It’s a misrepresentation of women. It puts them in an impossible box to break free from.

There are whole TikTok accounts dedicated to “duetting” (which basically is a recorded reaction) videos of people clearly displaying notions of the madonna-whore complex right before our very eyes. They say things like “fellas you know when you love your girl so much you can’t even think of her like that?” Then the reactions videos are like “Freud was right wasn’t he?”

Let's look at some song lyrics. In Taylor Swift’s “Lavender Haze,” she both writes and sings this line. “The only kinda girl they see, is a one-night or a wife.”

One night refers to a one-night stand, a common practice for the “whore” archetype, and the wife, is the “madonna” here. Even people in the limelight, such as Swift, knows of this complex “all too well.” Swift herself was often put into the “good wholesome girl” box for most of her career/

“Without You” by The Kid LAROI has these lyrics: “So there you go, oh, can’t make a wife out of a ho.” I feel like I don’t need to elaborate on this one. It’s just truly wild how much this is normalized. You see it everywhere and it’s played off as super casual.

My dad and I used to laugh at this one episode of Columbo, an old detective show he loves and has often made me watch from time to time. The plot of this specific episode follows a man who is cheating on his wife. There’s a scene where he is in bed with his mistress, and she asks what dessert she would be. He says something along the lines of a “decadent chocolate cake” for her. She then asks about his wife. He says “rice pudding.” One dessert is associated with more passionate connotations, while the other could be considered to many as plain or boring.

I look back on that instance with awe.

There is so much to discuss as to why the madonna-whore complex exists and somehow persists after all of these years. It’s purity culture, gender roles, and misogyny, all in one. It’s sexual shame and sexual misrepresentation. The next time you think about women and sexuality, take a look at how much you naturally might want to associate women with these two stereotypes. It’s more common than you think. But remember, the madonna-whore complex is a weird fantasy, both unrealistic and unfair.