War of the Mothers

Among the many unfair and unrealistic tropes and stereotypes that affect women, the ones that revolve around motherhood are some of the most brutal.

Specifically when it comes to the battle that society has placed against the “Stay-at-Home Mom” vs “The Working Mom.”

When second-wave feminism grew in the mid to late sixties and seventies, more women were expressing their discontentment with just staying home and starting to enter the workforce. Many anti-feminists were against this and thought that it was only a women’s place to run the home and that society would practically fall apart if women went to work. Not only this but the misogynistic undertones of “women stealing the man’s job” were all the rage.

In media, these messages have either stayed the same or morphed over time, but nevertheless, are always unfair.

In the past few years, we’ve seen the “Stay-at-Home Mom” be either praised or flamed in various forms of media. Often times the tropes revolving around stay-at-home moms portray them as weak, stressed, and boring. In these cases, the working mom might be seen as the superior woman because she is “strong” “independent” and “a real feminist.” She can do it all and be successful at her job. It’s hard to name just one area of modern media that depicts this idea.

On the other hand, the “Stay at Home Mom” is relaxed, perfect, sweet, and the perfect wife. She devoted everything to her household. They might even be portrayed as “better moms” than their fellow working moms. These ideas are prevalent in films like “The Stepford Wives” or “Don’t Worry Darling.”

In these depictions, it’s all about the competition between women and of course, patriarchy is involved. Working moms are hated for not giving their husbands or children enough attention and should stick to what “they know best.” Stay-at-home moms sometimes are seen as lazy or

Men are still being centered and are the core subject of this “mother war.”

As I mentioned earlier, The Stepford Wives 2004 adaptation is a satire that depicts the tropes around the perfect stay-at-home mom. For most of the film, the men are the main ones being responsible for creating these housewife women robots who attend to their every need. While watching, it’s clear it’s the smart commentary that calls out patriarchy. However, the movie takes a turn and we realize the mastermind behind the whole world and robots was a woman herself. Her reasoning was that wanted to go back to the “good old days” and hated her life as a working woman. Having a woman be the root cause of this defeats the whole purpose and puts the blame on them when we should be focusing on how patriarchy. This is a prime example of these negative stereotypes.

A mother can easily work and also care for her children. A working mom does not have to be cold and can easily be both a loving wife and mother while having a career. A stay-at-home mom can be successful, and smart, and can have a life outside her family. Working does not define being independent.

It doesn’t matter whether or not a woman is a stay-at-home mom or not. Being either one does not add or take away from being a feminist or caring about women’s rights.

And the fact of the matter is, most women cannot afford to stay at home even if they wanted to. We live in a capitalistic society where more often than not, a household needs two parental incomes to make ends meet. Some women want to stay at home but simply can’t.

Many anti-feminists or conservative women will argue that feminism is the root of these problems. No one’s identity should be solely tied to their work, but that’s not feminism’s issue, it’s capitalism’s.

A common saying is being a mother is the hardest job in the world, and it’s definitely true. But the concept of motherhood does not need to be the sole aspect that defines a woman. Even so, it does not help for the media to make mothers compete against each other and display both unfair and unrealistic stereotypes of women.

This “War of the Mothers” needs to end.